Conversation on a battery rickshaw with myself on a cloudy day in my small city.
A part of me who was an extrovert died years ago when Corona engulfed the entire world.
1. I realized this a week ago: I met a college friend after 4 long years in Lucknow, and I didn't have any words left to start a conversation with. I was mute for a while; this 'for a while' lasted half an hour. Fear of going out and traveling gripped me, lurching like a leech on my skin. I always offered people friendship, no matter their diversities, which led me to have the best people in my life. Alhamdulillah.
2. “Darling! Munazza, do you want to eat pizza?”
“I love burgers. Do you know that?”
“i didn't.”
“How would you? I never told anyone except Shazeb."
Going back to the memory lane. *10 years ago*
“How is Shazeb now?”
“He won one of the awards in his state for being excellent in medicinal business this year; I saw that in the newspaper.”
I left that part there like a crumbled newspaper in the store room which is turning yellow now.
3. One of my best friends called me and asked me to book a ticket to the mountains, and I left the conversation in between.
"Kanika di, can I call you some other day?"
The reason is coming back to reality.
I loved mountains more than the ocean; there was a time I wanted to reach the top of the mountain.
I was always fascinated by Alaska's Denali during my geography classes.
I am crying over the thought of forgetting it. When did I put my likes over others? We lose ourselves when we see them in us. Beware! People are a trap.
I'm scared of meeting people.
4. There's a cobweb on this bench from an old bus stand. Australia has a variety of spiders. I love Spider-Man. Spider-Man 2 was amazing. My fingers enrolled with another weak cobweb on the dusty bench. Australia!
Once, I wished to move to Australia because of the beautiful flora and fauna. Australia is like a rabbit, with Tasmania as its grass. Look at the map; you'll love it.
Oh! I had to call Ateeb for Manuka honey.
5. The texture Raymond (a brand) justified its German origin with “protecting hands," and no other brand would ever fascinate me like it.
Hands!!!!! Hands!!
[The last Instagram story was of my favourite human Zee, and his hands on guitar; Am I a hypocrite? Maybe!]
A memory in complex brain structure embedded deep into temporal lobe- making paper planes on the bench in an elite Institution.
No! No! I no longer wish to love hands.
Dear Hippocampus, erase the memory of paper planes.
Crush the coldest stones.
Tears are about to fall; my eyes have become an ocean, which will turn into a tsunami for my freckles. I...
A laud thud!!!
Ah! What is it?
The light screened out reality through my unsettled spectacles.
"Beta, apki colony agai, yahi utarna hai na?"
“bachche!!!”
“Ji! Ji!”
Tears fell unknowingly. Wiping it with my dupatta, I took out the fare and handed it.
Running towards home, realizing I might get late for my Asr prayer. In losing everything, the fear of losing the Salah clots my blood in veins. 🫀
[The spaces show a continuous longing from fresh wound]
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